Sunday, July 13, 2014

Craigslist Rental Listings - The Downfall of Humanity

Craigslist - A place where real estate agents give zero fucks and you can't do anything about it.

When perusing Craigslist for quality living spaces in a city saturated with college students who harbor the same level of expectations for their apartments as they do their beer and employed thirty-somethings that find themselves tumbling into the cavernous gap that was the middle class – renting in the Boston area proves to be a challenge. Thank goodness we have the expert guidance of trustworthy real estate agents who specialize in rentals. Imagine a world without their sophisticated insider knowledge, helpful photography and honesty.

There has to be a special place in hell for these people. Aside for my interest in the proper use of the English language and taking pride in one's work, just as a self respecting human being alone, I feel extremely compelled to form a taskforce to bring down these wordsmiths who say things like “pristine and elegant” to describe a rusty bathroom last updated in 1978, assume i can look past the absolute squaller their photographs communicate to see the "unique craftsman details", and for being the completely inconsiderate and unprofessional asshole who uses a term like “buttrageous” to entice me into a sale. The following are real Craiglist listings that got me real riled up.

$1200 / 1br - buttrageous | cat friendly | available 9.1 | 1 bed (Union Square)

Fuck you. "Buttrageous"? Really? That's the descriptive word you chose for a listing you hope to sell to someone who is willing to pay $1200 on a monthly basis? The amount of hatred I have for you coincides with the level reserved for people who leave dogs in cars during the summer. [listing]

$2200 / 3br - Awe inspiring - Lower Allston 3 bed - available 9.1 - laundry (Lower Allston/Brighton)

I would have probably gone with "zen-like" myself. Additional photos include several angle shots of disheveled bedrooms and a healthy amount of cheap liquor. [listing]

$1400 / 1br - COLORFUL WALLS with Half fee for this 1 bed (Washington and Comm)

This guy just cut to the chase. "Uh, gleaming hardwood floors?...No no no. Modern bathroom? Nope. Clean? Ehhh. Colorful Walls! That's it! COLORFUL WALLS just $1400 / month." [listing]

$1950 / 2br - ---MODERN---QUALITY---TWO BEDROOM---ALLSTON--T (Harvard & Comm)

Super modern. For an extra $50, the current tenant might let you keep his astronaut bed. [listing]

$1400 / 1br - GET IT DONE! Will rent quick, cozy 1 bed with H/HW inc, for 9.1 (All Areas)

What the hell does that even mean? And what is the motive behind this image? At least I know from the defiled Swiffer that this omnipresent apartment has been cleaned at one point. [listing]

1 comment:

  1. Ugh we have one year left at our place and I am dreading having to look for another apartment. They are all a bunch of shit holes. I just can't live in Allston anymore!


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